January 2007: not a good memory part 2

excerpts from my friendster blog

an argument

"...the journey is more important than the end or the start." -linkin park

i'm not sure about what i'll be doing in the end, but i know i want to do something. i want to do a che, travel around, see the sights and meet people. i will go with little money. i want to hit rock bottom financially, physically, mentally, emotionally. i will learn to value work because my life depends on it. i will be hungry to learn because i have emptied my mind. only then will i be able to see what i can see. like the bear who went over the mountain. and i will climb a mountain like jumong and become stronger. someday i'll be strong enough to fight for my beliefs. and win.


dear ate amor,

please tell me why why why. i miss you so. i'm falling apart. there's nothing more i can do. god is in full force against me even now that i have given up on you and my ambition. i'm just making more and more to do lists, spending more and more money, wasting more and more time. i am only a waste of money, space and time.

i want out of my life as much as you wanted me out of yours. but that's something beyond my control. please help me. i wish you were here even if you won't help, even if you can't help. i want to be with you because you're the only one who can understand me. talk to me, please.


buttahscotch

"this is coming of age? facing that we're not like the dreams we have of ourselves, unsure of our choices in life, unable to ever be perfect... even our heroes are lost and our ideas of adulthood are a fraudulent myth we've unconsciously inherited... why not just stay in a world of infantile fantasy, maybe forever even?" - res magazine

*thumbsuck*